Today I Am... watching... CREATE YOUR LIFE! series created by KEVIN Y. BROWN @kevbrown1

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DID JESUS HAVE THIS DIALOGUE?

I have listened to a plethora of music and only a handful have been able to capture my attention the way that this song did, "I Only Want To Say (Gethsemane)" from the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack.  Not only the dynamic performance of Steve Balsamo but the actual lyrics followed by the challenge that it presents to how we talk about the day Jesus died.

Listen closely to the words or read the lyrics I have posted in this blog.  What do you think?  Did Jesus have this dialogue with God?  The questions He poses and the perspective he shares"so keen on when and how but not why"  - Do we know why but Jesus died.... but he was unsure?  My goal is not the discredit, etc.... however more about sharing art that makes me think and challenge the world around me. Thoughts...

I Only Want To Say (Gethsemane) Lyrics

I only want to say

If there is a way

Take this cup away from me

For I don't want to taste its poison

Feel it burn me,

I have changed I'm not as sure

As when we started

Then I was inspired

Now I'm sad and tired

Listen surely I've exceeded

Expectations

Tried for three years

Seems like thirty

Could you ask as much

From any other man?

But if I die

See the saga through

And do the things you ask of me

Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me

Nail me to their tree

I'd want to know

I'd want to know my God

I'd want to know

I'd want to know my God

I'd want to see

I'd want to see my God

I'd want to see

I'd want to see my God

Why I should die

Would I be more noticed

Than I ever was before?

Would the things I've said and done

Matter any more?

I'd have to know

I'd have to know my Lord

I'd have to know

I'd have to know my Lord

I'd have to see

I'd have to see my Lord

I'd have to see

I'd have to see my Lord

If I die what will be my reward?

If I die what will be my reward?

I'd have to know

I'd have to know my Lord

I'd have to know

I'd have to know my Lord

Why, why should I die?

Oh, why should I die?

Can you show me now

That I would not be killed in vain?

Show me just a little

Of your omnipresent brain

Show me there's a reason

For your wanting me to die

You're far too keen on where and how

But not so hot on why

Alright I'll die!

Just watch me die!

See how, see how I die!

Oh, just watch me die!

Then I was inspired

Now I'm sad and tired

After all I've tried for three years

Seems like ninety

Why then am I scared

To finish what I started

What you started

I didn't start it

God thy will is hard

But you hold every card

I will drink your cup of poison

Nail me to your cross and break me

Bleed me, beat me

Kill me, take me now

Before I change my mind


Today I Am... challenging the world around me with questions and inquiries :)

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NO HEADPHONES :(

Who knew that my morning would be shifted from great to horrific by something as small as a pair of headphones.

Living here in NYC area and commuting by train makes headphones are as essential as breakfast. Riding the train you can UBER annoyed by all the different sounds and smells and there is nothing like your favorite song to distract you.

Today I Am... Angry because I knew leaving the house that my headphones were not positioned well in my bag and now I have potentially lost a pair of $70 earbuds.

Today I Am... Subjected to listening and sniffing the atmosphere here in the train and doing my best to use this blog post as an out!!

Lesson of the day... Always have a spare pair ;)

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A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL & SOME TEARS

Before you get too excited...no, it is not a proposal for Aleesha Nash.  HOWEVER, if you are thinking of proposing to me ... then reading this blog post will only get you closer to a "YES!".  I want to receive a proposal that is a hybrid of the proposal in the Twilight Saga: Eclipse (from Edward to Bella) and the proposal featured in this post.  

Men who can command the English language is a turn-on.  You see these guys on TV and in the movies all the time... you know the guys who seem to have all the right words to say.  The words that make you feel like there is no other emotion but, smitten.  Their words make you awkwardly giggle, blush, and then instantaneously zoom off to dreamland where the wonderful life you both share flashes before your eyes and all of this within 30 seconds.  

ON TO THE REASON FOR THIS POST

On one of my attempts to relax and shut out the world around me, I watched "How Do You Know" a movie about a women who starts evaluating her life after she is cut from the USA softball team.  As a person who constantly evaluates life I was intrigued by the overarching theme.

Without giving the movie away I want share my favorite part of the movie... which I say is the turning point of the movie, essentially, a man is having a conversation with a women and the audience eventually sees that the purpose of his rambling is to propose marriage.  

Again in the vein of not giving the movie away I will not tell you more about the actual characters... my purpose is to simply share the part of the movie that brought me to tears! When people just "get you" I fall in love.  Read on and then head to your nearest video kiosk and rent "How Do You Know".  You won't be disappointed. 

THE PROPOSAL

(WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF ALEESHA'S INTERPRETATION OF A SCREENPLAY)

MAN

I don’t want you to think that the reason we are not married is because I think anything of anyone else. It is because I am 40 years old and I am a failure.

WOMAN

If you ever say that again I will kill you

MAN (cont’d)

The reason I never talk marriage to you because I couldn’t stand to see you, the princess of worry, weighted down by me and my limited prospects.

**Looks down sadly**

Because I get your worrying, Annie, and I know allot of people think that it’s a bad thing about you. But I know it’s because you have a great big heart and I love you for it!

  

**Grabs woman’s hand in a frenzy and looks her right in the eyes”

(Cont’d) And then I started to worry about what would happen  to you if you ended up with someone who thought that your worry was …

WOMAN

**Finishing his statement**

...Idiotic

**They both laugh**

MAN (cont’d)

…who wouldn’t get you , ...who wanted you to feel bad about yourself, ...a person who wanted you to be more normal, or wanted you to change, or like yourself more.

**raises voice**

Who didn’t love ALL of you! Someone who just didn’t want to leave GREAT enough alone. 

And I thought …  I can do that for you – that could be a legitimate function or me... in your life.

WOMAN

**nods her head in agreement with tears streaming down her face**

MAN (cont’d)

So, that allows me to propose to you that we get married.  I want to marry you, Annie!

_____________

You will have to watch the movie to see what happens next! ENJOY!

TODAY I AM... FALLING IN LOVE WITH LOVE

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HOW TO LIVE, LAUGH, AND LOVE IN ONE YEAR

It is amazing how fast time flies! It has official been a year since my most recent move to the Big Apple and so I only thought it would be proper to write this post to reflect on my achievements and to mainly pay tribute to those who have helped to make this year fabtabulous!

So first for the achievements / milestone moments.  Here are my favorite 20:

1. Lost 80 LBS
2. Realized that weight didn't have anything to do with anything (still working out the bugs on this one from time to time)
3. Have a LARGE portion of my family tree completed 
4. Purchased new wordrobe with some smokin' haute new pumps
5. Removed all the toxic people out of my life
6. Surrounded myself with wonderful and positive people that push me to grow
7. Performed in 2 cabaret performances
8. Learned LOTS of new songs
9. Won 3rd place and featured exibitor in 2010 Orange Giraffe Project Creative Contest
10. 2 weeks of P90X and now I can do at least one regular push up - I'll take it :)
11. Found and funished apartment on the expensive East Coast
12. Nate Berkus Show and Deborah Norville room makeover
13. Purchased an iPod Touch (this upgraded my life - Thanks KB1 for upgrading my world)
14. Survived EFFFIN Bed Bugs in my crib (THIS MAKES ME ANGRY) But on to the next...
15. Asked for help LOTS of times this past year
16. Relied on others to help me
17. Mentored two high school students
18. Stayed in touch with my FL friends (VERY hard task)
19. Manned up and went to dance class :) and continue to go
20. Landed job that allows me to combine all my skills and give back to the NYC community

Now.... These are some of the people below that stood out in my mind when I think of the achievements above and the people that were the most instrumental in helping me achieve these things.  I am thankful for all the people in my life so please do not feel offended if you are not listed.  I would be writing forever if I were to shout out what everyone means to me.  Also, being thankful to God goes without saying.

This year for me was about healing and recovering from a very toxic time in my life.  When you are in the midst of your situation sometimes you cannot see the damage in real-time.  When I moved to NYC all the "damage" started to surface and I realized that I had to actually re-learn how to function in this world and discover "who is Aleesha?" and these people helped me uncover my truths and learn how to live, laugh, and love again! :)

ROB COATS

The first person I have to thank is my homie, Rob Coats.  Thank you so much for checking on me each and every day to make sure that I was okay.  Listening to me crying even at 9AM :) You put me on to Tony Robbins which FOREVER changed my life.  You also kept me on track with staying committed to listening to the entire program and I TRULY thank you for being my friend. You took the time to remind me of my worth and encouraged me to be better each day.  I truly appreciate you! 

LESLIE NASH (My Fork for Life)

This piece would not be complete if I didn’t mention the person who I LOVEEEEEEE lots and lots and lots... even though she stinks AND the person who has known me the longest… Leslie Nash, my sister!  You ROCK girl and I thank you soooo much for loving me exactly as I am.  I can be all the different Aleesha’s with you and I LOVE you for allowing this.  I thank you for all the emotional and financial support you have given me this year!  

I love crackin’ up at your silly jokes and I wish we lived in the same city so we could kick-it Aleesha & Leslie style (you know how we do).  Anyway… I don’t even have to tell you about any lifetime stuff… You already know :)  Can't wait to see you and my two little tator tots soon 

SHAUN DERIK

Shaun, I thank you for demonstrating to me what it means to function as a decent human being every day… no matter what!  You laugh at the little things and find joy every second and because of you, I was able to take down my “everyone is toxic” wall and live ALLOT.  You helped me to literally to relearn how to exist in a world that can be gloomy if you choose to see it that way.  I have sooo much admiration for you and the man that you are and I am truly blessed to call you a friend… one of my best friends.  I can’t wait to see all the greatness that comes from all of our adventures.  Thank you for supporting my dreams and calling me out when I am being lazy.  I look forward to our lifelong journey as friends.

NATON "FLIX" SHOEMAKE

My friend, my friend... what can I say - You normalize me.  Thank you for loving me for me and letting say "whatever" comes to mind. You never judge me and you "KEEPS IT REAL".  I love you for being my friend and staying my friend through all the craziness and being my lifeline when a "freakin' out" moment happens.  I adore our friendship!

PEGGY LEWIS

Peggy... Thank you so much for continuing to push me towards greatness! You inspire me and empower me to be the best Aleesha EVER! I thank you believing in me! I love your candid feedback that keeps me on my toes and estatic about my progress. You are an Angel and I love you! :)

EYAN EDWARDS

Without going into all the details, Eyan is a gentleman and the founder of an organization called, “The Gentlemen Movement”.  The organization’s mission purpose is to be a resource and learning center for men and women to transform their lives in order to have stronger and long-lasting intimate relationships.  I met Eyan at a mutual friends house party and then later on I ran into him at an event in NYC and afterwards we hung out and he shared with me info about his company and what he was striving to build.  He asked if I would would be interested in coming alongside him and in order to complete the organizations main website.  Originally, I said, “Eyan, I have no reference for what a gentleman is and good luck with your mission”.  I was not being sarcastic I really had NO reference for what a gentleman was or functioned like and therefore I could not possibly sign on to a project that I did not believe in 100%.  Eyan was not going to give up so easily and slowly but surely, I started working on small projects and eventually collaborating on TGM website.

Originally, I thought my purpose for this new adventure was to gain more experience in coding … however, it turned out that the purpose was for me to be introduced to the concept of being a lady and getting an inside look at a “gentleman” and in a VERY concentrated period of time. 

I walked away learning that being a lady or being a gentlemen is a lifestyle.  I learned that if you do not let someone treat you nicely … then they can’t (not just “won’t).  Furthermore, that the level of respect and care that comes from a true gentleman needs to be a part of ALL my personal relationships.

Eyan, I truly thank you for helping me to redefine my idea of a friend and life-partner.  I wish every woman I know had the opportunity to be in your company for the same amount of time, etc. that I spent with you (like an Eyan Edwards bootcamp).  You would be proud of me now… seeing me walk in the inside of the sidewalk and making the transitions as I cross the street so that I am away from the cars AND I am working hard at letting others open the door for me.

Thank you also for helping me work through a few difficult moments and also reminding me of my truths.  You are a decent person with high integrity and  I am truly thankful for our friendship and I look forward to continuing to learn and grow from you as an example.

KEVIN BROWN

Kevin has an amazing story of resiliency and triumph over life’s challenges.  The thing is when you meet Kevin you would not have any idea that he has led the life he has… WHY – because first thing is he is very humble. He doesn’t talk about his story unless he is asked and even then he shies away from some of the details.  Secondly, he is so very well dressed and put together that one would assume he comes from a background of privilege.  The last thing is he is always laughing and he has the best smile ever --- so again… how can his life have any problems in it, right?

Kevin,  I don’t actually think that there are words to put to the joy that I feel when I reflect on our friendship and its growth over the short period of time.  I feel like I have known you my entire life. The laughs we have shared still make me laugh and I look forward the laughs I am sure we will share hours from now.  You are an amazing person and just so you know… you are in the lifetime category and so that means you will never rid of the A. Nash. Also thank you for continuing the “training” that Eyan started by being a gentlemen with bad boy swag :) ---Your training program is a little more intense ("Don't touch that door") but I appreciate just how mindful you are of treating me with respect!  #TeamHashbrown4EVER

TYNISHA LEON

Tynisha Leon… my dear friend and partner in crime I appreciate the path that we are on together and glad that I am not on the “road less traveled” alone.  We will knock these goals out and conquer our dreams in no time! I thank you for your encouragement and your complete honesty.  Lifetime for you too lady! You can’t get rid of Leesh :)

DEVON HOERNSCHEMEYER

There is a particular redheaded woman that I am fond of and her name is, Devon.  Dear lady… I love you so much! You are an amazing friend and your happy spirit is addictive.  Thank you for your neverending support and constantly checking in on me and not letting me slip away into the oblivion that is sometimes outside my front door.   Thank you for always being there and letting me talk your ears off.  I miss hanging with you and can’t wait to see you soon.  Lifetime for you too darling! :)

BEVERLY OBASEKI

GUUUUUUUURL you know I miss you sooo much! I can’t wait for us to catch up and talk trash real soon.  You have constantly checked on me and helped me get through the low periods of not finding a job and all the apartment issues.  You have continuously told me not to sweat the small stuff and you have helped me to keep the thoughts in my head organized and to not spill out onto the world.  I miss your laugh and we need to hop on a cruise with the quickness!

ALICIA WHITE

A-Team RULES the world and I absolutely adore the person you are Alicia! I thank you so much for your friendship! And even more than that your authenticity! You are an amazing human being and I learn so much from you daily!

CASSANDRA VELEZ 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO --- I love you so much boo! Thank you so much for keeping it real with me! You are a great friend and a wonderful listener!  I am here for you whenever you need me, darling! 

KRISTI REDMOND

Thank you soooo much for your support! I feel like I have known you forever! I can't help but to think of you as I see the buttons around my house! Thank you for being intentional about sending me things that make me happy! I appreciate you and am sooo glad that God connected us! You are beautiful inside and out! :)

MARIO SHAMIR

You are FUNNY! Thanks for making me laugh so hard at your crazy perspective on life! You are VERY talented and I appreciate you sharing your gifts with the world and making it a more colorful world.  I appreciate your honest questions about life and what you hear! Thanks for listening and providing feedback with depth.  JM is going to ROCK and I can't wait to see its progress this year :)   I am truly thankful for our friendship.

MAHOGANY WRIGHT

It takes a really great person to open their house up to someone and I appreciate you for offering when I was going through my housing dilemmas! More than that I appreciate your ability to point out the facts and helping me to see my options and for reminding me that anything I truly want will take sacrifice and hardwork.  And thanks to you I am still here in my lovely apartment and everything is fine!

Thank you for trusting me with your two babies! I truly appreciate you! :)

Thanks Everyone for being apart of my life - I can't wait to see all the wonderful things that happen this next year! 

TTFN

Aleesha

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SHARING 10 REASONS I LOVE TO DANCE

1. Always a next level to reach no matter how long you train or how great you are!
2. Has no relationship to weight ... you can still be flexible and strong 
3. You have to be fully aware of your entire body
4. You are the instrument ... You don't need anything but yourself to dance.
5. You have to trust that your body will do what is in your mind
6. It frees me and allows me to escape 
7. Changes my state of emotions quickly
8. It allows me to translate what I hear or feel in the music
9. It can be done ANYWHERE and ANYTIME
10. I don't care who is watching... Actually I don't know you are watching

BONUS:  When I  stop moving I can feel every muscle in my body pulsating and I  know for sure... "I am alive"

Yes... Aleesha is a trained singer and dancer and she is on a mission to let the EVERYONE know! #keepwatching

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MAKING PROGRESS

I have had the opportunity work on multiple projects with individuals who "say" that they want to be successful.  Being the person that I am I go all in and do my best to support their goals by pouring my education and experience into their life and new explored passion.

There is always a point where I find myself working harder for their dream and they have checked out.  Does this mean that they do not want their goal anymore?  Not sure, but what I do know for sure is ... this is the exact reason and point of time when people start teetering between being successful and stuck in the rut that they face year after year that pushed them to "get this money" in the first place.

JUST KEEP MOVING

As soon as people get overwhelmed or side tracked... they stop moving! Sometimes even literally.  Act in spite of any doubt and just keep moving.  There is always an action that you can take and if you are not sure what they should be then follow these two steps:

1. Write a list of things that you do not want to do / or cannot do because of money, time, waiting for "x" to happen etc.
2. Start with the first item you put on the list from action step #1 and start working on this item, immediately.  If you an issue with money, time, or any other circumstance... then start with the first action step that works in the direction of removing that barrier. 

Why do this?  We always know exactly what we do not want to do but the things we don't want to do usually have the highest return and the biggest impact on us reaching a goal.

PRIORITIZE THE PROBLEMS

There is a category of problems that I would consider "good" to have.  Maybe having two job offers at the same time and trying to decide which job to take can definitely feel like a problem.  The question is "how big is that "problem" in comparison to the other "problems" or barriers on your plate?"

Prioritizing your problems allow you to choose which problems you are going to let sway your state of emotions or drive.  If you are the type of person that problems get to fast... Find ways to change your state of emotions quickly (ex: favorite song, walk in the park, funny movies, etc.).  By changing your state of emotions, you are able to then able to focus and go back to what you were doing... but further than that, you took control of the problem and not let it control your stick-to-it-ness.

KNOW YOUR WORK ETHIC

What kind of worker are you? How many hours can you work straight? What is your favorite environment to work in? Do you need music? Do you need food, snacks, and / or drinks?

Figure out how, when and why you work best and then capitalize on that. If you are aware then it will prevent you from burning out and over doing it.

Pursuing a goal can be a long-term process and without any action there, WILL NOT be progress!

Today I Am... Making progress!

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